(I would like to start off by saying that if you are of the male gender or just a heartless female, this post is probably not for you.) It's another one of those days that every girl dreams of: the day that her Prince Charming gets down on one knee and professes his love for her. Whether it's on camera in front of millions of viewers or in a private and romantic location means nothing; all that matters is the love between the two people who are preparing to pledge their lives to one another.
This past week, we had the opportunity to give our opinions on proposals taken from books written by Jane Austen and Charles Dickens. The first proposal is absurd; the man obviously has no feelings for the woman and only cares about the ways that marriage would benefit him. The second proposal is touching; the man pours his heart out and bluntly tells the woman that he loves her. However, while he expresses his love for her, he employs a few statements that were deemed pitiful by many boys in class because of their cliché nature. But is there really such a thing when it comes to something as romantic and heartfelt as a wedding proposal?
During a proposal, a man should say anything and everything that is on his mind. If he thinks that her eyes sparkle like diamonds, why shouldn't he tell her that? Hearing something like that will just make the moment even more special for the woman. So boys, don't be afraid of those things that you call "clichés," because they are a lovely way to any girl's heart.
Assuming - we all do it. However, there is danger in believing something that has not been proven.
In "A Measure of Restraint," Chet Raymo describes a perfect example of how assuming things can lead to very negative outcomes. He explains the story of two men who found a stainless steel cylinder in an abandoned radiation clinic. There was some "seemingly magical material" inside of it, and the men didn't think twice before distributing it to their family and friends. However, they did not know that the "lovely light" was actually emitted because the cesium-137 in the container was decaying. They also did not know that another product made during its decay damaged living cells, leading to the death or serious ailments of those who had been contaminated by the substance.
These men aren't the only ones who have ever assumed something. We assume that any medicine on the market is safe. However, how many times have pills been taken off the market because of unforeseen side effects that they have caused? (Many.) And how many times have we walked past the National Enquirer on the end of an aisle at the grocery store, seen some absurd story on the cover, believed it, and then later found out that it is completely false? (Many.) And how many times have accidents happened because people assume that, since they have a green light, they can go without checking for cross traffic? (Many.) Society's problem is that the second we see or hear something, we instantly assume that it must be true or safe or alright to do. Until we decide not to believe something until it has been proven to be true, we will continue to be swept higher and higher into the tornado of naïveté that surrounds us.
Satisfaction comes in many forms, from satisfying your parents after receiving a perfect score on a test to satisfying your hunger when you bite into a delicious Chipotle burrito. However, from a very young age we are taught that we should not be satisfied unless something is perfect. Did the cook accidentally put cheese on your burger when you asked for no cheese? Go back up to the counter and demand a new one. Did your new shoes have a scuff on them when you bought them? Go back to the store and ask to exchange them. No matter what, we always find "imperfections" in things.
Scott Russell Sanders examines this quality that many have in a passage from "Staying Put: Making a Home in Restless World." The example he uses is that "If we fish out a stream or wear out a field, or if the smoke from a neighbor's chimney begins to crowd the sky, why off we go to a new stream, a fresh field, a clean sky" (Sanders). It is humorous that people would uproot their entire life in order to avoid something that they don't deem perfect.
Rather than spending our lives picking out the problems that people and goods have, we would live happier lives if we just focused on good qualities. Is it really going to kill you if you were given a cheeseburger instead of a hamburger? Unless you are lactose intolerant and do not carry Lactaid pills with you, the answer is no.
We've all seen this movie scene countless times: A woman is walking down a dark alley in the middle of a big city. Suddenly, a huge shadow appears. She turns around. There is a menacing man behind her. We immediately think of the ways this scene could play out: the woman will be raped, mugged, or hurt by the creepy man.
Why don't we ever think that the man is going to help the woman - maybe ask her if she is lost or if he could buy her a cup of coffee? The answer is simple: from the time we are children, we are told not to trust anyone but our family or our babysitters. For our entire lives, we have been taught that we shouldn't talk to strangers because they might hurt us.
In "Black Men and Public Space," Brent Staples depicts the different reactions that he has gotten due to his gender, size, and race. As a big black man, Staples has, on multiple occasions, been thought of as dangerous by strangers. For example, people that he has encountered have "[run] in earnest" (Staples 205) away from him and "[hammered] down the door locks" (Staples 205). He admits that he "often [sees] women who fear the worst from [him]" (Staples 206), but he is "a softy who is scarcely able to take a knife to a raw chicken -- let alone hold one to a person's throat" (Staples 205). You can't feel anything but sympathy for this man who people are assuming is a bad guy.
As a society, we always expect the worst. From test scores to new experiences, we frequently think of the most unfavorable scenario. But what would happen if we let go of our negative expectations and replaced them with positive thoughts? Maybe instead of letting stereotypes occupy our minds, we can actually get to know the people that we have these ridiculous thoughts about. That way, we wouldn't be assuming things about people that we don't know.
(This video from SoulPancake is a great example of people from various backgrounds and of various ages getting to know people who they probably never would have approached. However, as you can see, the people find similarities between themselves and learn new things about their new friends.)
Las Vegas: Home to Casinos, Various Forms of Entertainment, and Wedding Chapels. Lots of wedding chapels. At these chapels, you can choose a theme, like Star Trek or Hawaiian; a language for the ceremony, like Japanese or French; or even a drive-thru option, so you don't have to get out of the car! The number of unique and absurd options is endless.
In "Marrying Absurd," Joan Didion describes the process of these weddings, as well as various scenarios from them. She exposes their trivial nature through her ridiculing diction; phrases like "what happens there has no connection with 'real' life" (Didion 102) and "There are nineteen such wedding chapels...each offering better, faster, and, by implication, more sincere services than the next" (Didion 102-103) contribute to her mocking tone. In addition, the examples of couples that have participated in these wedding "ceremonies" help add to her point that most of the people who get married this way are "children who do not know how else to find it, how to make the arrangements, how to do it 'right'" (Didion 103).
Vegas weddings, with their extremely short ceremonies, ridiculous options, and inexpensive costs, are hardly weddings at all. On a couple's wedding day, they are pledging their lives to each other, telling each other that they will stay together "in sickness and in health," and promising their love for eachother "from this day forward until death do us part". However, Las Vegas weddings take the focus off the true meaning and significance of marriage by emphasizing the unimportant elements of the wedding and rushing through the meaningful ones.
One of the most distinguishable characteristics of a culture is its food. Most cultures have a staple food like rice or pasta that has been eaten at almost every meal for generations. This often makes it tough when a family relocates because they have to choose between assimilating and sacrificing part of their own culture or maintaining their own cuisine in the new place.
In "Fish Cheeks," Amy Tan describes a Christmas Eve dinner scenario from her teenage years that involves a white boy named Robert (whom she had a crush on) and his family coming to her very Asian household for dinner. In addition to her father's loud belch at the dinner table, Amy's mother serves traditional Asian cuisine rather than the usual ham or turkey dinner that Americans are accustomed to. She finds this very embarrassing and worries that Robert won't like her because of her family and culture.
However, there are numerous things that can be taken away from other cultures. If you think about it, the American lifestyle that most of us have grown up with is really just a combination of a bunch of other cultures. Rather than being ashamed of the way your family acts and what your family eats, take that as an opportunity to teach those around you about your background. And if you're in Robert's shoes, enjoy the learning opportunity that you've been given.
What is your reaction when you see people who are different from yourself? Have you ever judged them? To be frank, you would be lying if you answered, "No."
What if the person was very small in stature, in a wheelchair, or mentally retarded? Generally, there is a reason for these things, like a birth defect or disease the person has. However, we tend to ignore that and still judge the people in some way. In addition, maybe you would think that they aren't as good as yourself since you don't have any physical issues like they do. However, these are the people who have been through the most in life and are the strongest because of it; often, they have been teased and ridiculed and laughed at and bullied for their entire lives.
In Disability, Nancy Mairs discusses our society's response to people with impairments. In the piece, she highlights one point that really stands out to me. She wrote that when she asked why disabled people are rarely used in advertisements, a local advertiser told her that, "'We don't want to give people the idea that our product is just for the handicapped'" (Mairs 14). When I read that, I instantly loathed the advertiser. To be honest, I really don't think having a disabled person on a box of Cheerios or a billboard for McDonald's would stop people from buying something they like or have any negative effects at all.
You might be thinking, "In what ways would society benefit from people with disabilities being included in advertisements?" Well, the most important thing that would do is provide people who have these disabilities with role models who are in similar situations and have overcome the hardships that their condition has put them through. This would provide these people with a source of strength and give them perseverance to keep fighting through their disability. Also, it would mark an important milestone in our culture. It would be the day that companies stopped letting their desired success trouble them so much and focused on something even more important, which is showing people who are disabled that they care about them.
